Well hello there. Sorry I’ve not been around for a few days and that my recipes have been sadly lacking this week.
The truth is that I am really struggling at the moment.
Not just with Slimming World, but to be honest, just with life!
Some of you know this and some of you don’t.
There are some people in my local Slimming World group and among my friends and family who know that I’ve been ill again lately, that I’m currently struggling to engage with church and that we continue to have ongoing issues with our house. Some will also know that tomorrow is the anniversary of a family bereavement, which is stirring up a lot of memories.
Others will read this and be shocked. You’ll have heard me contribute in group or on Facebook and talk about my upcoming birthday weekend, and won’t have a clue that, sadly, I was in pain most of the evening 😦
Don’t get me wrong, lots of things are very, very good right now. I am loving my job, we recently got some great news about my dad’s health and I’m thoroughly looking forward to getting away for my birthday this weekend.
But there are also a lot of frustrations at the moment. Nothing is really ‘wrong’ as such. It’s just not quite right either.
Sometimes I think I just get bogged down in all the little things. They all build up and up and up and all of a sudden they seem to weigh a tonne.
When I was suffering from depression in my early twenties, I had a really great counsellor who told me that when you feel like you’ve hit a brick wall, the trick is to take it down one brick at a time.
I was basically in a situation similar to the one I’m in now, where there is no one big thing causing me to feel down, but rather it’s the cumulative effect of lots of things. It can feel overwhelming, but if you take each issue in isolation, it’s much easier to deal with.
The only problem with this strategy is that it means that some things have to go on hold, or to the bottom of the priority list, while other issues get sorted.
Think of it like the brick wall again – you wouldn’t start by trying to move a brick somewhere near the bottom – you have to start at the top and work down.
So I’m pressing the pause button.
On Slimming World, on church, on house hunting… on a whole variety of things, at least for a few days whilst I work out what order to tackle these bricks in…
Because if I press pause, I won’t break. I won’t fall into depression again. I won’t actually give up on any of these things that I know I want. I will just give myself some much needed rest and headspace, and maybe be in a far better place to tackle them more effectively once I’ve sorted out my priorities.
It’s frustrating in some ways because I do feel like I’m in a kind of catch 22 situation. For example, I know that my health issues will be much improved by further weight loss. But feeling ill and in pain just makes you want to comfort eat!
To be honest, where Slimming World is concerned I had a fair few meals ‘off plan’ (or ‘Strategy 1’ if you prefer) this week already and am both shocked and pleased by my 2lb loss! But I definitely feel like I need to give myself a break from some of the pressure I’ve been putting on myself lately.
There’s a phrase in Slimming World about ‘being kind to yourself’. And that’s exactly what I need to do right now.
So this week there will be cake. And wine. And dinners out with friends. And I shall thoroughly enjoy them.
The risk, of course, is that I may regain some of the weight I have so painstakingly lost over the last 11 months.
But that’s ok too.
Anyone who has ever watched Eddie Izzard’s ‘pause’ sketch from Definite Article will understand when I say that pause is not so much standing still as it is doing La Cucaracha. Or as the saying goes “taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster. It’s more like a cha-cha.”