Back to the start

So, err… sorry… I’ve been AWOL again for a while. I kinda fell off the wagon again…

Being ill SUCKS. Like, really, really sucks. It has sapped away all my energy and positivity and left behind a grumpy, emotional, doubting Thomas.

I am sooooo fed up with it now. And what’s worse is that according to the vast majority of doctors so far, there doesn’t appear to be anything actually wrong.

Except the excruciating pain of course. Just that. With no apparent cause… 😡

It’s also been making me sick. Literally this time with nausea and vomiting my new ‘fun’ symptoms. :/ On the plus side that had the unintended consequence of achieving me my 4.5st award last week. Except that I never shared it. It’s the first one I didn’t photograph. Because I didn’t feel like I’d earned it. And sure enough, this week I gained 6lb instead.

Of course I totally deserve it. I have been seeking solace in pub dinners and ice cream in the absence of a magic cure.

But I totally, totally refuse to be beaten. I have come wayyyy too far for that.

So this week I went back to square one. Teary eyed, embarrassed and stressed, I went to the Slimming World new member talk. I figured going back to basics can only help right?

I tried to remember how I felt when I first started. I also decided to write my For and Against list all over again, without looking at the old one first, to see what, if anything, had changed.

Then I sat in IMAGE therapy and stayed late to get love and support and advice from my amazing Slimming World group.

I’ve chatted with my husband about the meals we used to make that I haven’t cooked in ages. And I just ordered the most mammoth online shop.

I’m still not there yet. I’m still a wobbly emotional mess. One bad hospital appointment today saw me back in the arms of curry and ice cream. But I WILL get there. There is far too much at stake.

When the new member talk finished on Wednesday, I remember closing my book at the end and seeing all my shiny stickers. I have come so far and been through so much over the last year, sometimes it seems unreal.

But whilst I may not feel like I deserved my 4.5st award, I certainly blimmin’ did deserve my 4st one! And I really do refuse point blank to go backwards.

So this is my line in the sand. Time to start again.

When I set out on this journey my wonderful husband compared me to the tortoise, in the story of the tortoise and the hare. So maybe this is just that feeling you get when you cross the finish line… only to realise it’s also the start line and there are still a couple more laps to go 😉

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